The Social Impact of Aerodynamics
November 7th 2006 04:57
Things That Fill Me With Hatred
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
The Social Impact of Aerodynamics
There is only so much importance one should be willing to devote to aerodynamics. Yet every day as I walk, yes walk, to uni or work or the shops, I see an army of cyclists clad head to toe in lycra, or spandex, or whatever the latest artificial material to be churned out of the ever-expanding chain of wind tunnels is. This is not a good look. Why do these things have to be covered in such appalling patterns? Didn’t the urge to wear fluoro die with the invention of the zoot suit, or eighties sidewalk surfer protective elbow and kneepads?
Aside from the colour, which is horrid, is a much more unsettling truth. Lurking just underneath the surface of these artificial skins, are the fruits of hours of labour. Two smooth muscular legs stripped hip to toe of any obstructive follicle. A whole army of men are spending their evenings in the bathroom, lathering their legs with hypoallergenic foam, before painstakingly, yet tenderly removing all those ugly hairs that remind them of monkeys. They then stand naked before the mirror, admiring their glistening perfection without ever thinking, am I really saving time here? I’ve been in this room for nearly an hour, and it’s the third time this week, plus I’m only managing to get to work thirty seven seconds earlier. They want to be seen. The vanity and illogical nature of this pseudo evolutionary shaving ritual is only one of the factors that lead me to believe this. The other is the shoes.
Worn to enhance efficiency of movement, the shoes are impractical in every other aspect. Once again, they are predominantly fluoro, yet this is not the biggest issue. Due to the doodags stuck to the soles of the shoes, made to snap onto the miniscule pedals of their titanium micro fibre poly fucking whatever bikes, the shoes cannot be walked in. This is the thing that really got me thinking. I’m sitting in a café, enjoying a relaxing coffee, when I hear loud voices in the distance. I hear nothing but gibberish, exaggerated laughter and nonsensical ramblings. What is this? I think. I could see others thinking the same. Then, almost in slow motion, a pack of cyclists draped head to toe in the aforementioned garb, waddle around the corner on the heels of their feet, looking like tie died penguins and sounding like parrots injected with speed in some cruel and barbaric experiment. I could barely contain my rage and must stop the description here before have to fork out for another computer screen.
It is a loophole in the superficially judgemental corporate society from which, I assume, most of these people emerge, that allows them to get away with this. Their need for self-expression is stifled by the monochromatic uniform that is the business suit. The awkward retaliation that results from this unfortunately manifests itself in these retarded explosions of colour. This is one area where I don’t want the corporate citizens to turn a blind eye. Control your employees for the sake of society! Please! I am already filled to the brim with hatred, and these walking testaments to pointless vanity, competitiveness and aerodynamics are just taking the piss.
Stay out of my way,
Si.
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
The Social Impact of Aerodynamics
There is only so much importance one should be willing to devote to aerodynamics. Yet every day as I walk, yes walk, to uni or work or the shops, I see an army of cyclists clad head to toe in lycra, or spandex, or whatever the latest artificial material to be churned out of the ever-expanding chain of wind tunnels is. This is not a good look. Why do these things have to be covered in such appalling patterns? Didn’t the urge to wear fluoro die with the invention of the zoot suit, or eighties sidewalk surfer protective elbow and kneepads?
Aside from the colour, which is horrid, is a much more unsettling truth. Lurking just underneath the surface of these artificial skins, are the fruits of hours of labour. Two smooth muscular legs stripped hip to toe of any obstructive follicle. A whole army of men are spending their evenings in the bathroom, lathering their legs with hypoallergenic foam, before painstakingly, yet tenderly removing all those ugly hairs that remind them of monkeys. They then stand naked before the mirror, admiring their glistening perfection without ever thinking, am I really saving time here? I’ve been in this room for nearly an hour, and it’s the third time this week, plus I’m only managing to get to work thirty seven seconds earlier. They want to be seen. The vanity and illogical nature of this pseudo evolutionary shaving ritual is only one of the factors that lead me to believe this. The other is the shoes.
Worn to enhance efficiency of movement, the shoes are impractical in every other aspect. Once again, they are predominantly fluoro, yet this is not the biggest issue. Due to the doodags stuck to the soles of the shoes, made to snap onto the miniscule pedals of their titanium micro fibre poly fucking whatever bikes, the shoes cannot be walked in. This is the thing that really got me thinking. I’m sitting in a café, enjoying a relaxing coffee, when I hear loud voices in the distance. I hear nothing but gibberish, exaggerated laughter and nonsensical ramblings. What is this? I think. I could see others thinking the same. Then, almost in slow motion, a pack of cyclists draped head to toe in the aforementioned garb, waddle around the corner on the heels of their feet, looking like tie died penguins and sounding like parrots injected with speed in some cruel and barbaric experiment. I could barely contain my rage and must stop the description here before have to fork out for another computer screen.
It is a loophole in the superficially judgemental corporate society from which, I assume, most of these people emerge, that allows them to get away with this. Their need for self-expression is stifled by the monochromatic uniform that is the business suit. The awkward retaliation that results from this unfortunately manifests itself in these retarded explosions of colour. This is one area where I don’t want the corporate citizens to turn a blind eye. Control your employees for the sake of society! Please! I am already filled to the brim with hatred, and these walking testaments to pointless vanity, competitiveness and aerodynamics are just taking the piss.
Stay out of my way,
Si.
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