Ego, Affluence and the Automobile
November 18th 2006 23:46
Things That Fill Me With Hatred
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Ego, Affluence, and the Automobile
The possession of a large automobile does not logically lead to the assumption that you can treat the rest of humanity as worthless. This, at least, is a belief held by all those whose egos and affluence haven’t yet led them to take the leap into one of the most pointless and environmentally irresponsible fads of the century thus far. Some curse the age of the yoyo, others the pogo stick, or slap bands, roller blades, home boy gear, or generic pop (to be discussed at great length in a later instalment). Yet other than adding a bit more useless crap to the world, which, looking at our present rate of production, we must be suffering a tremendous shortage of, these things did not affect the mentality of their owners in the same way as big cars.
As glistening black egos they shimmer down the street after being lovingly groomed by their masters. It is not only that not a speck of dirt can be found on them, a testament to the fact that they have been completely removed from any utilitarian practicality, they are, in most cases, buffed to a high sheen. Whilst being sensually caressed in the warm afternoon sun by their drooling lovers, sweet nothings drift into the car’s tailpipe. Reassurances that they shouldn’t feel guilty about the family of four they crushed whilst trying to overtake an ambulance on the way to the drive through; that if those people had a bigger car, then they’d still be alive. If only everyone had a killer car to drive around in, they we’d all be safe.
Taking advantage of the fear that these cars instil in the drivers of smaller, and yes, more practical cars, these phallic beasts show an utter disregard for common courtesy. Reversing into traffic, parking across multiple spaces, obnoxiously loud horns, talking on mobiles, not paying attention etc… But this is trivial compared to the fact that for every one of these unnecessarily large fuel guzzlers on the road, there is less clean air for us to breath. I simply cannot stand for this selfishness. If you want to be flash, flaunt your ego and treat other people as inferior, I’ll just call you an asshole and hopefully never think about you again. But if it gets to the point that your ego is actually contributing to my death, I am quite simply going to have to form an underground guerrilla group to systematically hunt you down and orchestrate an elaborate series of unfortunate accidents. These will mostly consist of asphyxiation, by hey, I like to improvise, work on the fly a little, see what happens, and trust me, I have co-conspirators.
Take the train.
Si.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Ego, Affluence, and the Automobile
The possession of a large automobile does not logically lead to the assumption that you can treat the rest of humanity as worthless. This, at least, is a belief held by all those whose egos and affluence haven’t yet led them to take the leap into one of the most pointless and environmentally irresponsible fads of the century thus far. Some curse the age of the yoyo, others the pogo stick, or slap bands, roller blades, home boy gear, or generic pop (to be discussed at great length in a later instalment). Yet other than adding a bit more useless crap to the world, which, looking at our present rate of production, we must be suffering a tremendous shortage of, these things did not affect the mentality of their owners in the same way as big cars.
As glistening black egos they shimmer down the street after being lovingly groomed by their masters. It is not only that not a speck of dirt can be found on them, a testament to the fact that they have been completely removed from any utilitarian practicality, they are, in most cases, buffed to a high sheen. Whilst being sensually caressed in the warm afternoon sun by their drooling lovers, sweet nothings drift into the car’s tailpipe. Reassurances that they shouldn’t feel guilty about the family of four they crushed whilst trying to overtake an ambulance on the way to the drive through; that if those people had a bigger car, then they’d still be alive. If only everyone had a killer car to drive around in, they we’d all be safe.
Taking advantage of the fear that these cars instil in the drivers of smaller, and yes, more practical cars, these phallic beasts show an utter disregard for common courtesy. Reversing into traffic, parking across multiple spaces, obnoxiously loud horns, talking on mobiles, not paying attention etc… But this is trivial compared to the fact that for every one of these unnecessarily large fuel guzzlers on the road, there is less clean air for us to breath. I simply cannot stand for this selfishness. If you want to be flash, flaunt your ego and treat other people as inferior, I’ll just call you an asshole and hopefully never think about you again. But if it gets to the point that your ego is actually contributing to my death, I am quite simply going to have to form an underground guerrilla group to systematically hunt you down and orchestrate an elaborate series of unfortunate accidents. These will mostly consist of asphyxiation, by hey, I like to improvise, work on the fly a little, see what happens, and trust me, I have co-conspirators.
Take the train.
Si.
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